007: Raw Power

Frame 1 - Everyone in Gillian's Scion is being shoved out of the car.

Gillian: Out!

Frame 2 - The crowd starts to disperse out of the street. Everybody makes their way to their separate homes. The sun is setting and street lights are coming on.

Jed: What a day.
Nimrod: We should probably relax with some frosty video games.
Jed: Smash Brothers?
Nimrod: Indeed.

Frame 3 - The power suddenly shuts off to the entire neighborhood, leaving everything in darkness.

Jed: Nimrod, I believe you farted so hard that you devastated our local nuclear facilities.
Nimrod: It's a talent.

006: Mjölner

Frame 1 - Jed, Nimrod, Demetri, Cai, and Lucrecia Holmes are all stuffed comically into Gillian's Scion xB. She scowls as she drives.

Gillian: I can't believe none of you own a car.
Jed: I'm an environmentalist!
Nimrod: I'm cheap.
Gillian: Everyone please shut up. And whoever keeps trying to fondle me, stop.
Multiple Voices: Sorry.

Frame 2 - Exterior shot. Gillian's Scion drives by a large sign that reads "Juicy Acres."

Lucrecia: I don't remember our neighborhood actually having some ridiculous title.
Demetri: Is new! All things new are bad. You will see the end in this.
Jed: It doesn't even make sense.
Nimrod: I like it. "Juicy," like Gillian's thighs.

Frame 3 - All characters look completely taken aback inside the Scion.

Gillian: Jesus. The only way this drive could get any worse is if...no."
Nimrod: Yes!
Jed: He's locked the windows! My God, it's in my mouth, I can taste it!
Nimrod: That's right, fools, taste the wrath of Thor's Hammer!

New Feature!

Everybody's favorite duo, Jed and Nimrod, now have Twitter feeds for your amusement. Keep watching their antics in between strips, and you may even get some of what we in the business call "inside jokes."

005: Convergence

Frame 1 - Nimrod and Jed approach Cai at the Police Office. Nimrod is retracting a hand from Cai's shoulder while Jed looks indifferent.

Nimrod: Hey, Daredevil! I see you still have a healthy rack!
Cai: I don't see you leaving with that hand in tact if you touch me.
Nimrod: Fair enough.
Cai: Jed, why do you bother spending time with my husband's worst lackey in the past fifteen years?
Jed: I genuinely have nothing better to do.
Cai: Fair enough.

Frame 2 - Gillian suddenly walks in, looking annoyed. Jed seems elated.

Gillian: So Dr. Romanov got locked up before he could grade my last paper. I worked really hard on it. I may kill him.
Cai: Get in line.
Jed: H-hey, Gillian!
Gillian: Hey, Jed...Nimrod. Didn't see you guys.
Nimrod: What, no kiss? I'm hurt, Pookie.
Gillian & Cai: Not yet, you aren't.

Frame 3 - Demetri Romanov is fuming in a cell, listening to everybody outside. Dr. Lucrecia Holmes stands outside, jotting something down on her pad.

Jed (off-screen): Wow, it's so convenient that we've all been able to gather in this one place! I feel like we should commemorate the occasion by going out to eat!
Nimrod (off-screen): And by "We" he means just him and Gillian.
Jed: Ha ha! My soon-to-be-deceased friend is very amusing!
Demetri: All of those baboons are "soon-to-be-deceased" when I am being released from behind these bars!
Holmes (reading aloud): "Homicidal....tendencies....recommend....enema."
Demetri: It is being happy day, yes! Happy day for nothing entering my ass!

004: It's a Living

Frame 1 - A woman with pale eyes sits on a bench with her Apple laptop. It's reading aloud a news article at an incredibly fast pace.

Mac: "Don't make me angry you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" said Demetri Romanov as police carried him away from the drunken brawl with the Dean....picture found...description computing...

Frame 2 - A close-up shot of the Dean with his hands in front of his face, eyes wide in panic, and clearly screaming like a little girl.

Mac: A balding man.

Frame 3 - The woman sighs and closes her notebook.

Cai: My boyfriend attacked Ron Howard.

003: The Nimrod Cometh

Frame 1 - Jed is wearing a suit and tie and working at his computer in a cubicle. Nimrod peers over the top.

Nimrod: I see you still have a cubicle with "+5 Nerd."
Jed: Don't you work? Like, at a job?
Nimrod: One of the joys of teaching is that I have a surprising amount of off-time.
Jed: You're an Assistant Professor. I thought you did research during this supposed "off-time."

Frame 2 - A flashback. Professor Demetri Romanov is red-faced and screaming at his students while Nimrod happily watches.

Demetri: Fifteen years I work here! Knuckles bleed to bone! I am once working at largest nuclear facility in Russia before other idiots use my technology to create Night of Lepus! I am run out of country, come to work at this, eh...ah, what is word? Shit Factory! And still no tenure! They want research? Fifty page research paper from YOU by next week! I grade myself, like big man that I am! Idiot Assistant! Give all students big F. They earn their freedom the way I do! Through scabs on heart!

Frame 3 - Nimrod now stands behind Jed, leaning against the cubicle wall. Jed continues to face his computer.

Nimrod: The Senior Professor started drinking again.
Jed: He's a hero to us all.

002: Couch Time

Frame 1 - Jed is seated in a chair. Across from him sits Dr. Lucrecia Holmes, his therapist, who is busy scribbling into a notebook.

Jed: ...and then I wake up from the fantasy only to find that I've been living this same sad existence, day in and day out.
Holmes: Life after college can be an adjustment period-
Jed: I graduated six years ago.
Holmes: -and the learning curve is not always smooth!

Frame 2 - Close up on Jed's hallowed expression. Dr. Holmes seems like a small figure in the background.

Jed: I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything, but I can't help but feel that I was meant for something so much bigger than just doing mind-numbing paperwork in an office. I just feel cut off from the world, like I don't care about anything around me. I'm becoming more and more emotionally stunted.
Holmes: *thinking* He is like unto a Stud-God! The perfect collection of faults to equal my perfect man!

Frame 3 - Holmes is handing Jed a large bottle of pills. Jed seems surprised.

Holmes: You clearly need these happy pills. Now, I won't lie to you; the FDA has also declared these a potent aphrodisiac. Take about twelve, right now.
Jed: I...what?
Holmes: No, you're right. What was I thinking? We're going to need to switch to suppositories. Drop your pants.